My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
