I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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