It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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