Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
