So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
