I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize