we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
