bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
