She is in my trunk
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
