the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
