I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize