My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
