she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
