He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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