Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
