peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Say something about gay babies.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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