On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
