Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
