I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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