I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
