she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
