Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
