i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
