you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
