She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize