Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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