he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
