Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
