don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize