i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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