69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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