Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
