You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
