i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
