I can text with my tongue
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
