from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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