My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
