I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
