The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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