the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
