weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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