This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my poor anus
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
