Sry I called you an 8
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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