No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
