If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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