I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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