i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
