I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize