If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
