im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
