a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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