i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
