We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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