so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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