I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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