there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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