Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
