Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
