I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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