WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
