More tranny stories later!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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