I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
