Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
