I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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