he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
