we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
