i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
how does that bad decision feel?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
